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Why Can't People Stay Friends?

Discussion in 'The Aqua Lounge' started by Lucywu2012, Jul 27, 2010.

  1. Lucywu2012

    Lucywu2012 New Member

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    Jul 19, 2010
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    Location:
    new york
    I got to know the other three girls fairly well. Occasionally we spent time socializing. We weren't "best friends" but I figured we were close enough to "stay" friends. Then I get laid off. Since then we've had one social outing which was about two/three months ago. Recently I tried to do another one and I got the cold shoulder. They all sounded like they were going to come and then started coming up with lame excuses last minute. Now when I call them, no one calls me back. What happened? Just because we no longer work together, why can't we enjoy each other's company? I suddenly feel like that "annoying girl" whom no one wants to associate with. It shouldn't bother me but it does. It hurts pretty bad. I really liked these people. I've always been nice to them. I'm always real with people. I don't like beating around the bush or playing games. I really cannot see what went wrong here and it hurts that they won't even talk to me. I don't even know why I care...now with my newer job I have some "friends" but I feel hurt from this past experience. It's effecting my view of new people I meet.
     
  2. wearsbunnyslippers

    wearsbunnyslippers New Member

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    i wouldnt let it worry you...

    sometimes works friends are only friendly coz you work together. if you stop working together, you become a bit of an outcast, you arent current with the latest work gossip etc. you dont go for tea or coffee breaks, lunches etc. so if you really analyze it you will probably find you have very little in common with these people outside of work.

    you should try make friends with people with common interests, like joining an aquascaping club, or something else you are interested in. this way your friends stay your friends even when you change jobs..
     
  3. Lucywu2012

    Lucywu2012 New Member

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    Thanks a lot, Your ideas give me a lot.
    In fact, I really don't know how to handle it and I feel so unhappy. It seems that I become an un welcomed person. Maybe as you say, I will meet other friends and have more happylifes with them. I know that, and I will try to forget it and be happy!
     
  4. Crispino Ramos

    Crispino Ramos New Member

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    Relationship/friendship has different spheres. Think of a very big circle, inside that circle is a smaller circle, and inside that smaller circle is a smaller circle, and so forth and so on. You are in the middle of that very big circle, now you can assign your friends to those circles. Some friends are in that circle closest to you and others may be in the farthest circle. I hope this imagery can give you a concept/idea of the different levels of friendship.
     
  5. John N.

    John N. Administrator Staff Member

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    Oct 30, 2007
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    Location:
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    Why can't people stay friends?

    Unfortunately when it comes to work, people are primarily put together in one building..not as friends...but as colleagues. As you've experienced, you'll build friendships with some folks, but unless you hang out regularly outside of work (not including lunch) then you are simply to remain colleagues. Even still, don't burn your bridges and always remain in contact with them via a quick email or phone every few months or so.

    I'm sorry you're going through this Lucy. As the saying goes, "Friends come and go. Others are arrange in our lives for good reason."

    -John N.
     
  6. Supercoley1

    Supercoley1 Moderator Staff Member

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    Jul 11, 2008
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    Location:
    Lincoln, UK
    I wouldn't worry about it. You can basically seperate friends into 2 groups:

    The Clan : These are the people you grew up with and others that join the group over time. You tend to see these friends often and because you weren't 'forced' together by any situation i.e. work/school they tend to be 'real' friends. These are the ones you need to keep. They may have come into your life much more recently. You always know which friends are in this group because there is a bond rather than just a

    The 'aquaintances' : These are those who you were 'forced' together with. I don't mean in a bad way and you may still have some of these as 'real' friends however this is more like a 'captive audience' situation. Like going to a sports match. The food is overpriced but whereelse are you going to get food ;)

    This second group are people you may socialize with a lot whilst you are seeing them regularly. When the situation changes i.e. you leave the school or you change jobs then you tend to drift away from most of these. It was the regular contact that helped the friendship whereas with the 'clan' You have a bond that does not need regular contact to sustain the friendship :)

    I have no friends that I socialize with from school or previous workplaces. The friends I do socialize with are either :

    The people I grew up with and a few additions that joined the ride along the way.

    People in my pool team. If I ever stop playing they may go the way of the school/work aquaintances...Who knows :)

    Don't forget..........Never let yourself lose the 'real' friends. They know you, You know them, They care about you, They understand you, and most of all they will always be there for you when you need them............and vice versa of course.

    Chin up :)

    AC
     

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